I am Zing-man...

For those of you who choose not to live in the third-sweatiest, first-to-overreact-to-storms-that-appear-ferocious-on-radar-yet-do-little-more-than-my-own-sprinklers city of Tally, Zings! are a special column of our Tallahassee Democrat newspaper. It's a forum of sorts consisting of short submissions that typically poke fun of something.

Never one without some fun to make, I have been on a mission these past few months to have a few ground axes published, and finally broke through with a few this summer. It's been dry lately, however I was able to sneak in one this week. I think it's a good example of what the Zings! should be about.

"Hurricane forecaster: A monkey with an Etch-A-Sketch."

I have submitted funnier ones, for example: "The Cone of Uncertainty returns--thank goodness weather forecasters aren't held to the same standard as surgeons."

There are some that strike other targets (the Weather Channel is an easy one). Another favorite topic of mine is the self-annointed "George Lucas Syndrome" which appeared in my critique of M. Night's latest debaucle. This was another Zing! from last week written in anticipation of the newest and lamest SW film:

"George Lucas clearly cannot persuade live-action actors to be in another of his horrendous Star Wars movies, hence the cartoons. I think it's time for an intervention."

But perhaps the funniest thing about Zings! is the ability to post commentary online--clearly some of the most serious Mensa rejects inhabit this town. Consider this: Someone wrote a comment about having the day off in Florida today because of Fay complications (none that I'm aware of for our fair city, except for some drama-queen-esque overreactions). And this was the response from someone named "justacitizen":

"Now much money is left in the rain day funds? I hope they 'Don't use it all . We need it to build the (115 Milliom ) Performing Arts Center. (Sorry A typo.....)"

Now, call me crazy, but what we clearly need is an English class for justacitizen. Followed promptly by a typing class and perhaps a grammar lab. Third grade will suffice.

Of course, I choose not to say such things on the forum because I enjoy submitting the Zings! and watching the animals eat each other. But it is scary on many levels should you think seriously about what could be at stake. And I don't mean the PAC money.

In other news, GDP continues his string of consecutive sicknesses, Fay drops nary a slick on my driveway, and school begins next week! More later, four readers. And Mrs. Herring, nice to have you visiting!